Not the best month ever .............
July wasn't the best month I ever had, but as always out of the worst comes some of the best. It will come as a shock to some who randomly dip here just to check if I'm still alive, to discover that I spent the major part of July in the UK. It wasn't planned and I didn't get a chance to look any friends up so please don't feel offended. Hardly anyone saw me and I came away more exhausted than on my arrival.
I was summoned to England by an email from my brother. My mother, now almost 92, is finally in failing health and my brother basically demanded one of me or my sister go to England to help him sort "rest of life care" or sign all responsibility to him!! In hindsight I don't believe he expected for one moment that within a matter of days I would be in England but such is life. Unfortunately by the time I arrived Mother had had a further fall and was in hospital. I spent the first week of my trip cleaning her house, liaising with social workers and care workers and trying to restore some semblance of order to he garden which had been untended all year and sorting through a list of "To Do's" from my brother which in truth should have been done months earlier! It was a sharp learning curve I never realised just how many agencies could be involved and I have to say that from her local GP practice to the hospital I could not have been given more help and assistance. I don't care who wants to fault the British National Health service I cannot fault the care, help or assistance they are able to offer. Then every night I visited mother in hospital.
There is something very strange about visiting an elderly relative who is no longer the person they once were. By now we had a diagnosis of extreme vascular degeneration manifesting as dementia. Dementia is a cruel disease! It strips you of the essence of the person you once were leaving the sufferer confused, paranoid and unable to comprehend fully the world they now inhabit. In effect the person that you have forever known has already died and in their place in this instance is a frail, lonely and confused old lady - certainly not the formidable lady that was my mother.
Having cleared an underlying infection a decision had to be made as to what should happen next. After a long assessment process the conclusion was made that due to physical frailty and mental confusion Mother was not safe to be at home. But nothing is ever as easy as it seems and due to my brother backing my mothers wish to go home she was returned home. I have no idea why, that will forever be a conundrum I'll ponder, but should he ever care to spend a few days sharing her world he might discover what a crazy decision this has been. I spent the last two weeks in England continuing to liaise with all involved agencies and trying to make the situation as tolerable as possible - it isn't. There is something incredibly sad watching someone confused, lonely, paranoid and basically alone effectively waiting for an accident to befall them before they will be placed in an environment where they will receive both 24 hour care and the company of other people both staff and residents in a nursing home!
So much for helping my brother, in the three weeks I was in England he did everything in his power to avoid me and I only saw him twice and one of those occasions ended up with him screaming in my face and forcing me out of his car. I have no idea what his problem is or what his motives are but I saw no actions that led me to believe he had our mothers best interest at heart.
Such was my visit to England! But like I said out of adversity there is always the decency of human nature that inspires, such was the case on this trip. It started before I even left America without my knowledge my store manager at work instigated a collection at work to help me fund this trip (I'm going to be paying for it for a long while to come, last minute fares are unreal I discover!) to say I was blown away by this gesture and all the generosity of those who contributed is an understatement. Then in England those few friends who discovered I was there could not have been more helpful, from Linda who ran me to the hospital every night, Sharon who brought a phone across country and two special friends who gave me a bed and Oscar who calmed my soul every night! I wish I had had the chance to see more people but know there will be trips in the future to socialise. To all who saw me and offered their help I thank you it meant so much more than you will ever know.
I went to England with a heavy heart and thanks to my brother it was equally as heavy in my leaving. I've been back in the USA almost a month and since then we have hardly heard from him despite repeated requests for updates. It is pretty sad that when all my sister and I want is to see our mother living in a safe environment surrounded by people who can help, care and offer company that we have to battle our brother at every corner. He may warn my sister "I am in England so beware!" but for us we really don't care mother's well being is our ONLY concern.
I was summoned to England by an email from my brother. My mother, now almost 92, is finally in failing health and my brother basically demanded one of me or my sister go to England to help him sort "rest of life care" or sign all responsibility to him!! In hindsight I don't believe he expected for one moment that within a matter of days I would be in England but such is life. Unfortunately by the time I arrived Mother had had a further fall and was in hospital. I spent the first week of my trip cleaning her house, liaising with social workers and care workers and trying to restore some semblance of order to he garden which had been untended all year and sorting through a list of "To Do's" from my brother which in truth should have been done months earlier! It was a sharp learning curve I never realised just how many agencies could be involved and I have to say that from her local GP practice to the hospital I could not have been given more help and assistance. I don't care who wants to fault the British National Health service I cannot fault the care, help or assistance they are able to offer. Then every night I visited mother in hospital.
There is something very strange about visiting an elderly relative who is no longer the person they once were. By now we had a diagnosis of extreme vascular degeneration manifesting as dementia. Dementia is a cruel disease! It strips you of the essence of the person you once were leaving the sufferer confused, paranoid and unable to comprehend fully the world they now inhabit. In effect the person that you have forever known has already died and in their place in this instance is a frail, lonely and confused old lady - certainly not the formidable lady that was my mother.
Having cleared an underlying infection a decision had to be made as to what should happen next. After a long assessment process the conclusion was made that due to physical frailty and mental confusion Mother was not safe to be at home. But nothing is ever as easy as it seems and due to my brother backing my mothers wish to go home she was returned home. I have no idea why, that will forever be a conundrum I'll ponder, but should he ever care to spend a few days sharing her world he might discover what a crazy decision this has been. I spent the last two weeks in England continuing to liaise with all involved agencies and trying to make the situation as tolerable as possible - it isn't. There is something incredibly sad watching someone confused, lonely, paranoid and basically alone effectively waiting for an accident to befall them before they will be placed in an environment where they will receive both 24 hour care and the company of other people both staff and residents in a nursing home!
So much for helping my brother, in the three weeks I was in England he did everything in his power to avoid me and I only saw him twice and one of those occasions ended up with him screaming in my face and forcing me out of his car. I have no idea what his problem is or what his motives are but I saw no actions that led me to believe he had our mothers best interest at heart.
Such was my visit to England! But like I said out of adversity there is always the decency of human nature that inspires, such was the case on this trip. It started before I even left America without my knowledge my store manager at work instigated a collection at work to help me fund this trip (I'm going to be paying for it for a long while to come, last minute fares are unreal I discover!) to say I was blown away by this gesture and all the generosity of those who contributed is an understatement. Then in England those few friends who discovered I was there could not have been more helpful, from Linda who ran me to the hospital every night, Sharon who brought a phone across country and two special friends who gave me a bed and Oscar who calmed my soul every night! I wish I had had the chance to see more people but know there will be trips in the future to socialise. To all who saw me and offered their help I thank you it meant so much more than you will ever know.
I went to England with a heavy heart and thanks to my brother it was equally as heavy in my leaving. I've been back in the USA almost a month and since then we have hardly heard from him despite repeated requests for updates. It is pretty sad that when all my sister and I want is to see our mother living in a safe environment surrounded by people who can help, care and offer company that we have to battle our brother at every corner. He may warn my sister "I am in England so beware!" but for us we really don't care mother's well being is our ONLY concern.
posted by Rosie at 12:00 AM
1 Comments:
First post poster, but long time reader....just a quickie thank you note for the work on your blog....I like reading it very much!
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