Too Much

How do you take things almost for granted for a lifetime and then in a matter of less than three weeks it is as if a tsunami has wiped out the earth beneath your feet. On June 30th hubby and I had the last two of our parents alive both very old and not in the best of health but with us, our focus. Who would ever have guessed that by July 21st both of these amazing people would be dead. Yes having lost his father, just three weeks later my mother died peacefully ten days after suffering a stroke from which she never really woke.

In character they were two totally different people but what they did have in common was that they were both the heads of their respective families. One words describes my mother - indomitable. That is how she featured throughout my life and why the final disease which took her from us, dementia, was so hard to bear - it stole her being. There have been many, and unforseen, consequences to both of these deaths that will wreak havoc for months to come but for now there is just an unmeasurable grief. Having gone to England for a month in April/May, the second time in a year, I got to see mother and am happy at that goodbye. Even though I cannot be at the funeral I will be watching via the miracles of modern technology/live streaming/hubbys tech skills today. My final gift to my mother has been the chance, in my abscence from the funeral, to have written the Eulogy that will be delivered at that service a few hours from now ................

Eulogy for my Mother .........

I have no earliest memory of you, my Mother.

There has never been a point in my life, when I don’t remember you being present in my corner. It was you who washed my hair, in the middle of the night, when I was sick as a child. You who filled my pockets with pennies, a dozen to a shilling in those days, and took me on the bus to the fair. You in the headmistress and headmasters office (yes I mean both, just different occasions) fighting my corner, even if I did get it when you got out!

You had three passions in life: music, gardening and family, and your expectations of each were the highest. You excelled at the piano, and as a teacher, you shared your passion and your skill, garnering the respect and results from all you taught. In the garden you had the patience of Job and would spend hours tending and nurturing. You reaped the rewards and in virtually every season our home was filled with your fresh cut blooms, and if it wasn’t, a parade of African Violets would be weighted with flowers on a winter window sill.
I suspect the greatest challenge was us three children. We didn’t come with a score like a piano sonata, or instructions like on the back of a seed packet. With yours and daddys mix of genes you created, after too long a wait, three formidable children - we were definitely NOT wall flowers.

It is we who are your proudest achievement. You put your all into giving us everything it was within your power to give, throughout our childhood and beyond. However tough times got, and yes at times it got very tough, it was you who went without not us - you made sure of that. You instilled in us values that sometimes now seem lost: respect, both for ourselves and other , hard work, decency. We pushed our boundaries and from what I remember, you pushed back! I’m not sure what you dreamed of for each of us because you encouraged us to fly but never told us which path to take. The testament to the strength of your nurturing is the distances we have flown, but always your love kept us coming home.
You have had a good life, 90 years of independence, fun, friends, family, music. Always your own woman. When illness took its toll in the final months, as we had watched you care for your mother, we too came home in turn to care for you.

I have to say watching illness ravage your character and independent ways I often prayed for your release. That release has now come, but with it I know you are in a better place - once more playing Ragtime! I cannot be here for your final goodbye but I know in my heart you are forever with me in a thousand ways which were your ways. The lessons I learned from you are charting my course and yes the reflection I see in the mirror is your reflection.

Where Diana, Richard and I go from here who knows , but you will be with each one of us in everything we do and all we say. We will miss your presence, but know that in our hearts, you will forever be our mentor, friend and Mother and I love you yesterday, today and forever.